OH man, I read this list and it seems like I was running a financial community service with a bunch of the people I have dated. Many when I was young and naive but still.
I am currently engaged and my fiance and I have been dating for over 6 years. His financial health is not bad but not ideal either. He certainly has good qualities such as no credit card debt, he saves before he spends (because he likes good things), he always asks my opinion about a purchase (even though is with his own money) and he keeps an emergency fund. However, there are some things I worry about ..some of them we are working on and others still need to be addressed. He has no debt because he doesn't have credit cards (does not like the idea) which is good but makes him not have a credit history...after all this time he finally listened to me and open himself a secure credit card and he has been quite good at making payments. When I talk about budgeting he thinks I am rushing when we are just starting out..he doesn't get the point that it doesn't take thousands to budget and save for retirement and the more you do it the less you worry about money. What annoys me is that he contributes with our common expenses but not in an organized manner..he pays for car repairs or food or bills but not always the same amount which screws up my system and when we talk about it he things I am telling him he is not helping when he does. And the last thing that is worrying me is that since he got laid off from a good job he was at for 4 years he has been bouncing around from job to job with periods of unemployment in between. He is really talented but not good at selling his skills aside from still feeling self-pity from being laid off. I want to help him because I feel he just need a push but I think that by trying to help I am been bitchy and unreasonable (to his credit he followed me when I went to grad school and has been by my side in the good and the bads). I am finally done and settled with a job but I feel he hasn't find his financial stability partly because he never had a good foundation about money in his family and partly because he feels lost and depressed about his situation. Help please...where can we go to get him out of this hole...it kills me seeing someone with so much potential not having a stable job and this is my future husband so WE need to do something about it..I am just not sure what

Oh, yes.

I was in a serious, long-distance, long-term relationship in college, and I learned some very tough financial lessons.

When he was unemployed and hit financial hard times, I paid his rent more than once, and paid for many of his incidental expenses. It was not a gift. We were not living together, and we did not have joint finances of any sort. It was very clear this was a loan. We discussed repayment many times. I was working several part-time jobs to make sure I didn't got into debt myself, and I was making frequent 3 hour trips between our colleges to visit him.

However, that repayment kept taking longer and longer. At one point he asked me if I'd rather he used his tax return to repay me, or to buy an engagement ring. Because the younger version of myself was naive, much too trusting, and not so financially-savvy as my current self, I said OF COURSE I'd like the engagement ring. I was walking on air because I was sure I was getting a proposal soon!

Like the repayment on the original loan, time kept dragging on. After holding in my disappointment for several months, I exploded at his friend's party, a week before Valentine's Day. Completely disregarding any sense of social graces, I sobbed and sobbed in his friend's kitchen because he hadn't "put a ring on it." He was upset that I was so hurt, but he explained why there had been such a wait: he'd already spent his tax return. He didn't pay me back for my loan, AND he didn't use the purchase of an engagement ring to offset his debt to me.

You'd think that would have been the end of this boyfriend financial saga, but it wasn't. As I said, younger me was a very different person, and I really, really wanted this to work out. This person was (clearly) not great with money, and I was hurt by his actions. But, I saw plenty of other good qualities in him, and I was always ready to come to his defense when anyone expressed concern or criticism. I found plenty of other people and circumstances to blame for his problems, but didn't really blame him.

Our relationship took some twists and turns, and we broke up and got back together at one point. After we got back together, we were both entering our last year of college. He had an issue with his student loans, and his funding for college was cut off right before his school started.

I wanted to help him, and was really worried about what might happen if he couldn't go to school to finish his degree, and I called my mother to vent. She's a very smart, very compassionate woman, and she had no idea about the earlier loan that hadn't been repaid, or the broken promise of an engagement ring. She was and is very careful with her money, and she had funds set aside to pay for her own tuition. (She went back to school to get a masters degree to increase her salary potential.) During that conversation, she said, "I'm someone who wants to invest in people," and she offered to pay his 1st semester's tuition. My parents had him sign a promisory note to them, that detailed how much they were loaning and how and when they expected him to be repaid. They also expected him to seek out financial aid for his 2nd semester.

For one reason or another, he wasn't able to secure financial aid from the school or through grants/loans for the 2nd part of the year, so my parents extended their loan. They paid for an entire year of college tuition, plus room and board.

Graduation was in 2010, and to date he hasn't paid my mother back anything on that loan, and he's only made a few small, scattered payments on what he owed me on a loan that started in 2007.

We ended our relationship for good right after I graduated college in 2010 and moved to a different state. Before our breakup, I made excuse after excuse for him and his financial issues. With time and (more) distance, I started to realize just how ridiculous it really was. It was not a relationship of equals. I was trying to be someone's mother, when what I really wanted was to be someone's partner. Because I continued to make excuses and convince myself his behavior wasn't a problem, I got my mother involved. The part I regret the most is how much of her trust I lost through her unpaid loan to him.

I love my bf with all my heart. Financial problems have come across our relationship quite frequently recently and I completely don't know what to do.

We argue mostly because he needs a job, he would always say "I want to work!" and since I got this new incredible job, he has been showing signs of jealously and depression.

I consider myself a large support when comes to his life situations, such as, I asked him to live with me, so he is, I state first that I will pay the bills till he gets financially stable to help, but he is collecting unemployment and the last check comes next week!

We argue to the point where I never thought I would raise my voice so loud and scream my head off!! Im stuck and need help!!

Whats best for me to do or say to my potential bf of a year and a half. I see great things in him, but he doesn't see it himself.